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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 755 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Feb 12, 2013 1:00am PST
york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. my guest i think you'll enjoy george stephanapolous will be joining us. mr. stephanapolous will be out here in a little bit. we'll talk to him very briefly because he's got to be up in like two hours. big news from vatican city tonight. >> pope benedict xvi announcing he is stepping down as leader of the catholic church. >> jon: popes can do that? i assumed the papacy was like a lifetime commitment like being in the mob or being a correspondent on "60 minutes." in any case we'll bring you full team coverage of the pope's resignation in "holy quit." how is it going with that popey changey thing? now, the pope has issued a statement citing the growing toll of his advanced age leaving him ill suited for his ministry. but popes usually don't retire until they are called back to the home office. this hasn't happened in 600 years. the obvious question would be... >> what does a retired pope do? 's a retired pope to do? do retired popes do? jon: i'm not a religi
Comedy Central
Jan 31, 2013 7:30pm PST
headquarters in new new new yors is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> welcome to "the daily show" tonight's guest is say big one. al gore will be joining u. his name interestingly enough an adagram for galore. that's meaningless. on the minds of everybody, illegal immigrants they are americans. all other countries are like america, how do you get your food so cheap and lawn so mowed. you must tell us your secret. [wis whispering] it's illegal. we've been divided over what to do about immigration. democrats proposed comprehensive reform which republicans had a different name form. >> when he says comprehensive reform he is talking about amnesty. >> jon: republicans were against it and accused others of not being against enough. >> i've always been against amnesty. you are or for amnesty. >> you had an op he had in the newspaper saying you were for it. >> jon: your wife has a dressage horse named amnesty. >> yeah in the next debate you won't be able to name three government agencies you would like to close. they talk about amnest
Comedy Central
Feb 6, 2013 11:00pm PST
news headquarters in new york this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. good show tonight. tonight's guest ed whitacre he's on as former chairman and c.e.o. of gm and former chairman of board and executive officer at at&t. i'm going to spend the entire interview trying to figure out why i can't get cell service on the west side highway. you know every now and then a report comes out that we killed al qaeda's number three guy from the fifth time from above a missiled robot plane or we missed him and mistakenly hit a factory that makes civilians? [laughter] well, you might wonder: is that okay? >> nbc news has obtained a government document that lays out the legal arguement to justify the president's use of drones to kill al qaeda suspects including, in some cases, u.s. citizens. >> jon: u.s. what now? u.s. who? i never thought some of the terrorists could be people on america's got talent. you have to be american to be on america's got talent, don't you otherwise i
Comedy Central
Feb 27, 2013 11:00pm PST
-ha. news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. got a good one tonight. we got our guest tonight r.j. cutler made a documentary about dick cheney and -- [laughter] [laughter] -- did you guys just get really cold? [laughter] first let's talk about the top story tonight, the fragile economy. economic growth is stagnated. unmyment is stub bornly high and by midnight tomorrow the spending cuts, sequester, congress and the president subjected themselves to to force them to make a deal before the sequester took effect because the effects would be so drastic and dire that it's taking effect. listen, this is bad news my brothers. you can imagine what the mood on wall street is. >> hope and optimism here on wall street. >> merger mania is back. >> the highest bubble since 2005. >> merger mania is back with a vengeance. >> jon: ah-ha! whoo! what else would it be back with? humility? no (bleep) vengeance. the merger mania. who are the lucky couples. de
Comedy Central
Jan 31, 2013 11:00pm PST
central's world headquarters this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show" my name is jon stewart. good one tonight jason baitman. -- bateman. fine actor, funny man. we begin in congress where the senate wanted to get a quick discussion of possible gun control legislation. quit looking at the philosophy of not enacting any gun regulations. if you look at why our founding fathers put it there, they lived under the tyranny of king george and they wanted to make sure free people in this new country would never be subjugated again and never have to live under tyranny. >> jon: or democratic decisions they don't agree with, you know, that's what the guns are for. so the idea is guns are a bullworth against dictatorship. why else do we need guns? >> what people all over the country fear today is being abandoned by their government. >> jon: the wait, what? the -- i'm lost. >> you could find yourself in this country in a lawless environment through a natural disaster or riot. ma rawing gangs going thr
Comedy Central
Feb 19, 2013 11:00pm PST
comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, oh, my god! hey, everybody, welcome to "the daily show". any name is jon stewart. my name is jon stewart and i need a haircut. [ laughter ] this is the longest head i've ever had. [ laughter ] we've got a nice one. the actress alison brie will be joining us from the hit show "community." p my guess is she'll in no way tell us what is going on there but i'm excited. let's begin tonight with america. as if you didn't know the reference. i put that up there to let you know. remember that map from the placemat at howard johnsons. [ laughter ] as you know, our country has been on a difficult run. gas prices have risen steadily over the last few months. our president is unsure whether he has the authority to target americans on our mainlandslandsh missiles. and geraldo is thinking of running for senate. it's been a tough run. we decided to do a segment aimed at boasting our morale called we may be (bleep) but -- let me explain to
Comedy Central
Feb 26, 2013 11:00pm PST
and applause] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. man, what a program our guest documentary filmmakers lori silverbush and kristi jacobson. they've done a documentary on hunger in america that will absolutely anger you but still while you are watching it have some junior mints or something. just to -- you know. you may be familiar with the new york assemblyman, he took the new york telephone company to task for seeming to weed out employees and took hillary clinton to task for embracing yasser arafat's wife. and yasser arafat took mel gibson to task and also took renee zellweger to task. took the school newspaper at at high school to task. really, really haitz anti-semitism. some of those seem like an overreyak but he feels like he is standing up for a group whenever he feels they are unfairly ma lined. >> assemblyman dove dressed up for a party dressed up in blackface ma
Comedy Central
Feb 22, 2013 1:00am PST
central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. journalist stephen brism he is the author of atime magazine cover story on what sailing our health care system. it turns out our health care system has price cancer and no insurance. [laughter] we've been discussing this week on the program how republicans led by senators lindsey graham and salty mccain are holding up the nominees for the defense and c.i.a. until the senators get the information on what happened in benghazi including who changed the talking points susan rice used on the sunday morning shows so we can be sure no americans are harmed again by the talking points. >> whatever was said based on information provided by the intelligence community on a series of sunday shows bears no relevance on the ultimate questions of what happened in benghazi. there's an obvious political obsession over a series of talk points that again bears no
Comedy Central
Feb 25, 2013 11:00pm PST
, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is donnie wahlberg going to be joining us later on the program on the... lonnie anderson. that's the woman i would be. ( applause ) if you can be any animal, if you can be any woman but nobody ever asked me are you satisfied with you? (laughing) a little bit of housekeeping. last week we did a very clever bit on our program called 19th century news. within the bit we had very witty fun concerning mississippi's just recently ratifying the 13th amendment. agreeing to end slavery, a mere 148 years after. after the rest of us. as many of you know, if i am bringing up something that we did on the show last week, i'm r it. maybe i'm apologizing to mississippi as painting it to some kind of reluctant entrant to modern morality. yes, no. it concerns a former mississippi secretary of state who presided over a 1995 attempt to ratify the 13th amendment. it failed due to a bureaucratic snafu >> their former secretary of state failed to send a copy of the resolution to th
Comedy Central
Feb 5, 2013 11:00pm PST
daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. man, do we have a show for you tonight. my guest tonight new york city police commissioner ray kelly is going to join us. and after the show, directly after the show, he and i are going to go on the roof of this building and we're going to summon batman. only the police commissioner knows how to do. that you shine a light and then -- [laughter] as you know, kind of a funny thing happened in this year's presidential election amidst the worst economy in decades, high unemployment and a steep spiritual decline, the country chose not a self made and virtuous patriot to heal our woes -- [laughter] -- but the same foreign-born socialist tyrant who created all of our woes. [ laughter ] how did republicans lose this eminently winnable presidential race? the republican party has a serious messaging problem. >> i think our messaging has not been very strong. >> the messaging was bad. >> jon: messaging. [ la
Comedy Central
Feb 21, 2013 7:30pm PST
from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." [cheers and applause] my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight author helaine olen. she's going to talk about her book "pound foolish" about the financial industry and how it's serving you perfectly. [laughter] let's begin with the president. as you may know barack obama is a student of history. he learned two things in particular from the greatest president in history abraham lincoln. one when putting together a cabinet you need assemble a team of rivals and two, you cannot kill a vampire with an axe. you need a built-in shotgun in that mother humper. lincoln the vampire. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] didn't take off like we thought it would. [ laughter ] but to the first point when it came time to choose a secretary of defense barack obama demonstrated lincoln-esque team rivalling by choosing former nebraska senator chuck haaag -- hagge -- hagel. [ laughter ] he is a republican. a two
Comedy Central
Feb 12, 2013 11:00pm PST
in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon captioning sponsored by comedy central ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. [cheers and applause] thank you very much. we've got a show for you tonight. let me tell you something about tonight. our guest tonight mike piazza, the greatest hitting catcher of all time! all time! [cheers and applause] yoga berra, the greatest of all time. his name in english means mike townsquare. [ laughter ] doesn't get any better from here, folks. [laughter] lower those expectations if you would. [ laughter ] listen an hour or so ago because i president obama wrapped up the first second term state of union address. we'll bring you complete team coverage there tomorrow. [ laughter ] spoiler alert there the state of the union, you know, fine. [ laughter ] you know, cumsecumsa. just this morning we were reminded about how these plea planned political events could be equipped. evil threatens our very dem cinch after my interview with former vice president dick cheney. >> jon: yeah! you
Comedy Central
Feb 15, 2013 1:00am PST
in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music["daily show" theme song playing] dhawz. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. we have a very nice program for you tonight. my guest ambassador to to unitee united nations susan rice is here. we don't know how we got her on the program but perhaps it's a valentine's wish. want to give a quick shout out to the lovers out there some of whom are clearly lying. all the lovers that thought it might be a good idea to take their significant other on the cruise for the holiday and ended up stranded at sea spending six days crapping into a plastic bag or as the germans call that, the love boat. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] cnn has been on the case for some reason giving this boat crisis wall to (bleep) covered wall coverage treating a stalled cruise ship like it's the shackleton expedition. >> it's a great moment to visually connect you to the daughter you have not seen in seven days. >> jon: yeah, you are not heros,
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 755 (some duplicates have been removed)